Life is good. It’s uncertain, but I still feel strangely content. I’m not sure if that is some sort of emergency mental autopilot that takes over in times of stress, or if truly I just know inside it will all work out. I have no idea how, but I’m trusting it will. It’s the best I can do at the moment.
With all this busing around in my spare time I’ve gotten a chance to do a lot of thinking. Looking back on where I was, and where I am now, and honestly – it’s all pretty great. If I go back only 6 months, I am so far ahead of where I was. If you are ever feeling shitty about life, just look back a few years. Inevitably you will probably be able to say “Thank god _______ happened to me, because if it didn’t, I never would have found __________!” (I hope you fill in those blanks with: I inherited that marshmallow factory, and, how good I am at tap dancing!).
A friend remarked to me recently that I seem like an eternal optimist. Which is only partly true. I think in the back of my mind when I am most worried about how scary life can be sometimes, that is when the optimist switch gets flicked, and I start to look at ridiculously small wonderful things all around me, as a reminder that despite it all – life is pretty outstanding.
I’ve begun to write down a bit of a personal manifesto for myself. Loose rules of thumb that work for me and ultimately help me to become a better, happier person (especially when I’m feeling like a mediocre, negative person). I write it all down in my Wonder Woman sketch book. What started as just a few statements has now descended down the page and around the corner. Here are a few snippets:
- Enjoy what you already have – get to know it before you move on.
- Use it up (toothpaste, shoes, and ideas).
- Listen. Really.
- Have very specific dreams.
- Reevaluate often.
- Always have something to bring to the table – if not creativity, cookies.
- Take care of what you own (mind, body, spirit).
- Do your best. In everything you do, no exceptions (love, life & laundry)
- STOP MARKING TIME.
- Go outside.
- Stop living life wishing things were different… change, or change your thinking.
- Always have a jar of pens. Sketch often; jot things down.
- Never trust your memory.
- Nothing exists until it needs to.
- If you don’t have anyone to go with, go anyway.
- Drink water.
- Guilt causes resentment; avoid both at all costs.
- Give people the benefit of the doubt.
- Don’t be afraid to fuck up. Don’t be so hard on yourself when you do (and you will)
- Talk to as many people as possible. It’s good practice for making friends.
- Make opportunities for yourself.
- Notice the details, they are what make life interesting.
- Baby steps will lead you there eventually, no matter how daunting the journey.
- Be kind.
Where am I going to be in a month? Will I have found a new amazing job? Will I be working at an in-between position until my dream one comes along? Will I have met some new friends? What new music will I have discovered that I now cannot live without? Time will tell…
26. Time = Perspective.